You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Vodka?
Forever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
