This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
