i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
