In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
