Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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