tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
