I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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