I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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