i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
