The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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