You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
