I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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