So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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