What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize