i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
