Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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