Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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