Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize