I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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