I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
