the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
