Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
