Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
