i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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