Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
