My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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