Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
