Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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