I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
