No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
