I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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