Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
