you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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