I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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