Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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