Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize