so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
