Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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