420 ftw
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
