so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
