my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
