we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize