I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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