with your own penis?
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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