Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
