i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
