last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
