he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
