dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
