I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
