yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
