Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
