Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
