i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
