Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
