a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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