My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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