beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
