you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize