so that wasnt chicken after all
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
