just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
