see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
