i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
