you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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