I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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