we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
