I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize