Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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