fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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