My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
