Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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