Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am one with the molecules
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
false alarm, still single
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
