giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize