There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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