after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
