one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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