I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
