you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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