then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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