Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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